12. Bad Scars

Bad Scars

"Ai Toua, don’t you come in to snow me over and then walk away!"

This is the first sentence slipping from the mouth of a young girl as if her tongue lifts up by itself to utter those words. In reality, these words sprouted in her innocent heart and only reflected her simplistic inner thinking.

“No, I will not do anything to deceive or upset you."

"Many people said than men who come from the US are sweet talkers."

“Even though I came from the US, I am still a Lao by birth. I am not going to cause another Lao to feel bad."

“Ai Toua, how can you say that? There are plenty of Lao cheating other Lao."

“But for me, I will never do that for sure.”

That night, at a restaurant in downtown Vientiane, promises were exchanged from deep in the hearts of the two persons who agreed on everything. Who will cheat the world? The tongues only expressed true feelings of the hearts as they related to life goals. Their promises to each other were like flowers about to blossom; they opened the gate for two hearts to beat in sync.

"Aren’t you already married in the USA? Are you just lying to me?” asked the suspicious woman.

“No, believe me. I’m not lying to you," Toua said with sweet eyes.

Toune was confident there was no hidden devil anywhere, but she often thought about completing her education to become a doctor. Sometimes, she wanted to be a professor to teach students, and sometimes she also dreamed about being a community developer to help the poor in remote areas. All these dreams have lingered in her mind for quite a long time. It was true that she was in love, but her hope to make good things happen was still real and encrusted in her heart forever.

Love was of a second priority in her dream, but it was the first goal in her life.  She cultivated her love for Toua and beyond that, she also liked to keep her education dream alive because that was the only wish her mother had for her as the youngest daughter and most likely main source of family support. Toune smiled to herself; she was in love and had high hope for the future.

The sun has been down for a while, leaving a red light zone over the western edge of the horizon. This was a sign that time has moved on and will never stop as some people might have wished to see.  The neon street lights lit up through the branches of the Kok Ta Kop trees. Toune took a cup of Lao beer of the tiger brand, poured it on a glass and invited me to drink with her. She placed her glass beside a Yamyor dish and looked at the neon lamps. She then talked about her teen-ager years and handed me a letter that she wrote to Toua when he went back to USA about six months ago. This is what she wrote in the letter,

            “My dear Toua,

“I am patiently waiting for your return to Laos every minute. I miss you more than what a young girl like me can say.  It is love that I have to wait for indefinitely. I think of you each time I breathe in and out. I often dreamed that you came to ask for my hands and that we got married. You then supported me until I graduated from the university and got a job, and that we had children together. Are these just dreams? Please don’t misunderstand me and do not take this letter as a claim letter. I’m writing just to remind you to think about me, and that I’m waiting for you in Laos. I still believe you don’t have a wife as you had assured me. Right at this moment, the four valves of my heart only belong to you. There is nothing else I can give you, since both my body and my mind are already yours.

“Toua, do you know that the longer time passes, the worrier I am? I don’t know how to live by myself, I miss you so much.  Do you know that when you do not write to me, it seems like a knife is piercing my heart and causes more pain than any other forms of torture?  During the cold nights, I suffered even more and felt like a dead person although I am still alive.

“Toua, do me a favor. Don’t toy with me like this. The person you are manipulating is in a more severe pain than caught freezing outside. It hurts more than when you cut somebody with a knife and add pepper and salt to the wound. It’s like being put in hell while still alive.

“When are you going to be back? Is it true that your business here hasn’t started yet? I remember you telling me once that if I do not want to leave my mother to go to the US with you, it’s OK because you can still do business in Laos, going back and forth. That was six months ago. Right now, my education is on a stop-and-go pattern. I don't know why.  It must be that I think too much about you. I am afraid that you will not come back as you had promised.

“Don't forget, Ai Toua! I will be waiting for you!

Vientiane December 06, 1996

Your love,

Toune”

Time has gone by as water going under the bridge. All she got was disappointment, longing, and increased loneliness.  I looked at Toune's face with sadness. I felt pity for her in a way that I could not explain.

Darkness has arrived, along with the October cold. The atmosphere was quiet and strangely lonely. I touched her hand and she looked up to me.

“Toune! Don't worry. You still have a bright future. You can meet challenges like anybody else," I comforted her.

"Do I have any other options?"

“Certainly! All you need to do is follow my advice,” I said.

In December, the moment she had been waiting for has arrived, the telephone rang, and Toune took the call in her room.

“Hello! Toune? This is Toua calling from the US. I will arrive in Vientiane in a couple of days.”

Toune jumped up and down with happiness, as her heart received a new shot of hope. It was the happiest time in her life, a time of pride in the heart of a young. Her face was soaked with happy tears as she rushed to hug her mother.

"Mom, Toua will come back to me," she said with smile and tears.

The long awaited day arrived. While washing the dishes, she heard a knock at the front door. She left the kitchen and ran to the front door.  She saw Toua standing quietly, with a smiling woman in her thirties beside him.

"Ai Toua, I waited for you with anxiety.  I was afraid you might not come."

“At first, I thought I will be here next month, but I want to come this month instead," said the female visitor.

“Excuse me. This is Toune, the woman I used to tell you about."

“I got it."

"Toune, here is my wife."

“What? You told me you were … not .........!”

Toune’s face became ashen. She didn’t know what to say. Her tears sprouted in her eyes and ran down her cheeks uninterrupted. She started moaning, at first quietly and then at full volume. She was crying like any other child would when confronted with the bare facts of life.

Life can be quite different than what you expect in this world full of insanity.